you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize