I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wat bout pragnant strippers??
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
