walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
