Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
