before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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