I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
