Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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