im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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