I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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