I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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