some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
