I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
