It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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