Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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