Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
