my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
