im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
