Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
