you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
