So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
