If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
