The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
