i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
