after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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