I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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