whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
