I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
