Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
