walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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