Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
