Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I have aggressive nipples.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
