Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
