when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You're like the curious george of whores
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
