Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
