dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
