if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
