cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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