My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
