I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
