So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
