Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
