hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
