____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
