I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Randomize
