woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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