i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
