I'm so fucking centered right now
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
