Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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