Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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