I'm gonna have a badass scar
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
