She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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